If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull. 
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler. 
Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil. 
W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. "I'm looking for a loop-hole," he explained. 
- W.C. Fields -